I haven't written a sports post yet, so here are ten sports thoughts of Bennett Reid. I'll admit I made ten of them because that is the cool thing to do and sportswriters sometimes list ten burning subjects on their mind, so I'm following the trend.
1. Team USA, in the World Baseball Classic (WBC), will have a hard time if they keep treating each game as an All-Star game. For instance, last night they made substitutions half-way through the game so other players could get in. Jimmy Rollins was 3 for 3 at the time, if I recall, and they took him out so Jeter could get in. I say let the player finish out the game. However, after the substitutions were made Team USA did bat around and score like 8 runs. So I'm kind of eating my words. But, I don't think that will always be the case. Screw letting everyone play. I know some teams don't want their $20 million players getting injured. Well that's 'bunk' if you ask me, plus I really want to win. So stick with the starters, unless they are playing bad, and quit making this a freakin' beauty contest. I'm on board with Tommy Lasorda and his rant.
2. The Chargers are crazy if they don't re-sign Ladainian Tomlinsion. I still think he is one of the top 3 best backs in the NFL and has a few more years left. I'd like to see him go to another team though.
3. I'll give Terrell Owens his due and say he is one of the best wide receivers of his era, and maybe one of the best of all time. He's 2nd all-time in receiving touchdowns, behind Jerry Rice. However, he is by far the most annoying football player, and athlete of all-time. I am so sick of hearing about him. Half the problem is he is a media mates dream-come-true. I don't think I've gone a day since he joined the Cowboys without hearing about him, thanks ESPN. Plus, I'd hate to have him on my team. What a pain in the ass.
4. Finally, after suffering for about a decade, the Atlanta Hawks have constructed a legit team. It's hard anymore to find someone to discuss the NBA with (especially white people), then I tell them I'm a Hawks fan and they just apologize to me. Really it's kind of funny. But now I can talk about them with some pride and not get laughed at. Yes, I still follow the NBA and I think it is better than college basketball right now. There are just so many good players right now and it's become really competitive and fun to watch. So I'm predicting the Hawks will make a splash come playoff time, barring they are healthy, and have a chance (a little one) to go past the 2nd round.
5. I'm grateful that South Carolina has a good basketball team. It's made this year fun to follow them. However, I don't expect them to make it past the first round of the NCAA tournament. Why no confidence in my team? (You may ask) Do I have to explain why I have no confidence in the Gamecocks? Past experiences/history says all that needs to be said. However, being a realist blows, so I'm predicting them to make it to the Championship in the SEC tournament, and make it to the Sweet 16 in the NCAA tournament. I also predict the Gamecocks to win the SEC East next year in football. Upsetting Florida and Georgia. Yeah, I'm not really a realist at all. But it is miserable being a Gamecock fan. I'd also like to see Clemson do good in basketball. I mean I'm sick of all the North Carolina schools and they are kind of... well I'm not good at being politically correct... they are gay, kind of pansies. I still hate Clemson, but I mean, no schools from South Carolina have been good in basketball, so why not.
6. I'm not 100% on board with the Redskins on the Albert Haynesworth signing because of the price, but I think it was fair. I'm glad to have him on the team and I think our defense is gonna whip some tail with him anchoring the D-Line. Now, the DeAngelo Hall signing was outrageous. $9 Million a year, for 6 years - $54 million. Way too much. Maybe I'll eat my words and he'll exceed expectations. I miss Sean Taylor. Before he was killed, I'm not kidding, between him and Chris Cooley, they were my favorite players (I like having a favorite offense and defensive player). That guy was nasty and I loved watching him play. He would've gone down as one of the five best Free Safeties of all-time. The Redskins defense hasn't been the same since he died, period.
7. Curious and anxious to see how the Braves are this year. I think the pitching staff is somewhat solid, a little unpredictable right now, but the outfield is gonna be the question mark and will be the major factor that decides the Braves performance. However, I am really excited because of the young guys in the outfield. They are gonna be fun, yet painful to watch this year. The addition of Garret Anderson was big and I am very excited about having him on the team. Screw the Phillies and the Mets, the Braves are taking the East this year. Go Braves!
8. Here are my early predictions for the Final Four:
Oklahoma - I think Blake Griffin is going to carry the Sooners and they will be the toughest team to beat.
UNC - Just too good and too deep, the guys on the bench would start for any other school. Hard not to pick them with Tyler Hansborough and Ty Lawson. So what if they lost three games, no one goes undefeated anymore.
Pittsburgh - I had to put someone from the Big East here since it is the best conference in the NCAA. I'm picking Pitt since they swept UConn. Hard to choose though, between Pitt, UConn, and Louisville. All three could make it, if in different brackets. Would've like to seen how Marquette played out if Dominic James didn't get hurt. It was also a really huge loss when UConn lost Jerome Dyson for the season. With him I'd predict a UConn vs UNC/Oklahoma final.
Washington/Villanova/Memphis - Just a funny feeling, one of these guys will make it. However, I'm going against the odds and picking Butler here. Why? Because I can and I'm speaking for everyone else in America when I say I'd like to see a small school make it.
I want to put Michigan St. in the Final Four, but I see them getting upset in the Sweet Sixteen.
I think Davidson definitely belongs. Having Stephen Curry is the deciding factor. Who would you rather see in the NCAA tournament, a crappy Big Ten school, like Penn St., Michigan, or Minnesota, or Davidson and one of the most popular players in College Basketball? I rest my case.
*The Big Ten is boring in basketball, just like football, and overrated. I seem to find more reasons to hate the Big Ten even more every year.
9. Baseball needs a salary cap, majorly. They need to structure it similar to the NBA. I think MLB is going to see a sting this year from the economy being in the tank.
10. I think the 'underdog' scenario is way over played. You know how you'll be in one of those situations where everyone is pulling for a certain team, like when the Miami Hurricanes were unstoppable in football so a lot of people bought a Miami Starter jacket, then they'd turn around and say they've always been a fan, especially since none of them were from Miami. So eventually everyone started hating them and pulling against them because there were a lot of bandwagon fans. Well, I feel the same way about the so-called 'underdog.' Sometimes it's cool to see an upset happen, however, it gets old when everyone is always pulling for the upset. It's almost a pity-thing, to pull for the 'underdog' every time sports are watched. It's become a trend.
Plus, they've had way too many 'underdog' movies. Every time a sports movie is put out anymore it's an 'underdog' movie. They are becoming nauseating.
Sports/Pop Culture Nugget:
"Eastbound and Down" is one of the funniest shows I've ever seen. This may be an early assumption since I've only seen two episodes. However, I laughed hysterically, and I highly recommend it. It's about a washed up MLB Closer moving back to Shelby, NC and becoming a gym teacher. Also, recommend "Flight of Conchords" The two funniest shows on TV right now. These Sitcoms on regular cable, blah, compared to these two.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
The Light of Day
I have not had much time to write in my blog because I've been studying. So I decided to post this poem I wrote my Freshman year of college. I remember writing it, I couldn't sleep and is was about 2:00 AM. For some reason I had this in my head and got up and started writing it. It just all kind of came to me and it has a religious connotation representing Noah and his Ark, even though I don't directly imply it. Epiphany, maybe?
I haven't really made any changes because I wanted it to be in it's purest form. (Spell and grammar checked it) Anyway, I thought it was pretty good, and it doesn't really follow the poetry lessons you learn in school (but those are mostly bogus lessons anyway).
So here it is.
The Light of Day
by
Bennett Reid
I wish I could see the light of day,
It slowly came and passed away.
I lost its view,
It can’t be true.
If it is gone,
Something went wrong.
The land was bad,
And very sad.
The people were evil,
And very deceitful.
God did not like this way,
So took away the light of day.
Noah will know,
It’s time to go.
Death and rain, came about,
All the bad were flooded out.
Good appeared to always remain,
So God gladly began to explain.
Here is the light,
That shines so bright.
I took away,
The other day.
The light will arrive,
The sun in the sky.
It will bring a joy,
Like a boy with a toy.
If only you could understand,
The feeling that spread ‘cross the land.
There will be a cheer,
For all to hear.
The rain will drain,
The sun to remain.
There will be a gift sent by God,
To the one that he gave the nod.
The gift flew out,
And was seen about.
It was a Dove,
God’s gift of Love.
For all shall now hope and pray,
For God gave us the Light of Day.
I haven't really made any changes because I wanted it to be in it's purest form. (Spell and grammar checked it) Anyway, I thought it was pretty good, and it doesn't really follow the poetry lessons you learn in school (but those are mostly bogus lessons anyway).
So here it is.
The Light of Day
by
Bennett Reid
I wish I could see the light of day,
It slowly came and passed away.
I lost its view,
It can’t be true.
If it is gone,
Something went wrong.
The land was bad,
And very sad.
The people were evil,
And very deceitful.
God did not like this way,
So took away the light of day.
Noah will know,
It’s time to go.
Death and rain, came about,
All the bad were flooded out.
Good appeared to always remain,
So God gladly began to explain.
Here is the light,
That shines so bright.
I took away,
The other day.
The light will arrive,
The sun in the sky.
It will bring a joy,
Like a boy with a toy.
If only you could understand,
The feeling that spread ‘cross the land.
There will be a cheer,
For all to hear.
The rain will drain,
The sun to remain.
There will be a gift sent by God,
To the one that he gave the nod.
The gift flew out,
And was seen about.
It was a Dove,
God’s gift of Love.
For all shall now hope and pray,
For God gave us the Light of Day.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Friday, February 20, 2009
UFOs?
There has been a lot of noise going on lately about UFOs and other planets and space and et cetera. So I asked myself, "Does Bennett Reid believe in UFOs and aliens and other planets with intelligent life forms like ourselves?" My response to myself was 'Absolutely!'
So if you are a god-fearing person and believe there is only Earth and nothing else, well everyone has their beliefs. But, why can't aliens be Christians? If they've invented spaceships and can abduct people by beaming them up, they are smarter than we are, so why can't an alien be a christian. Maybe another God made them? You never know. Think about this, if God created space and all those stars and galaxies, why wouldn't he invent other intelligent life forms and other Earth-like planets. You don't think God one day decided, hey, I'm gonna make another planet in this other galaxy and put intelligent beings in it. I think he has.
Here is my explanation:
Space is infinite, supposedly. So you are telling me there is all that space out there, I mean galaxies, upon galaxies, more stars than grains of sand, and there is not a single other type of life form out there and no other planet that can support life. Bollocks! There are about 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe. So, some galaxies we cannot see (yet). So all those galaxies and stars, and not one planet has another form of life. I have no doubt in my mind that there is another planet out there with aliens. My prediction is about 40% of the people that claim they saw a UFO probably saw one. Some of them could've been seeing an anomaly made by an asteroid or something, and yes some of them are just looking for attention and/or crazy.
Were people abducted by UFOs? Well, that might be a little far-fetched, but you know, it could've happened. Why not?
Here's some more food for thought. The mathematical calculations of the Universe are astronomical (no pun intended) when you think about the magnitude of the Universe. Some galaxies are a couple millions of light years in diameter. 1 light year is 5,865,696,000,000 miles. So think about that.
To contradict myself, the only problem with all this mathematics of the Universe, how did a UFO travel that far, considering everything is so far away. That is an unanswerable question, only a theory can be derived. My best theory is these so called aliens/intelligent life forms are more advanced in the knowledge of science, astronomy, and mathematics than all human beings, that they've been able to invent something (a UFO/Spacecraft) that can travel extensive distances to visit our planet. Probably at speeds unbeknownst to us. They could be traveling here as we speak, but not making it here for another 50 to 100 years.
I believe they are less naive than homo sapiens, and know an uproar will be the outcome if they were to show themselves. If a human went to another planet with intelligent life form, we'd probably bust on through their atmosphere and land our spaceship and think everything will be peaches 'n creme and the other intelligent life form will welcome us. These aliens that have visited Earth probably know we'll try to destroy them and run tests; they do in the movies at least.
I doubt we will witness a visitation by intelligent life form in our lifetime, (you never know) but trust me, there is a very good chance it will happen, I think sooner than later. Just over 50 years ago, 1957, Sputnik was the first aircraft in space. Look how far we've come since then. So in another 50 years, who knows what could happen.
So if you are a god-fearing person and believe there is only Earth and nothing else, well everyone has their beliefs. But, why can't aliens be Christians? If they've invented spaceships and can abduct people by beaming them up, they are smarter than we are, so why can't an alien be a christian. Maybe another God made them? You never know. Think about this, if God created space and all those stars and galaxies, why wouldn't he invent other intelligent life forms and other Earth-like planets. You don't think God one day decided, hey, I'm gonna make another planet in this other galaxy and put intelligent beings in it. I think he has.
Here is my explanation:
Space is infinite, supposedly. So you are telling me there is all that space out there, I mean galaxies, upon galaxies, more stars than grains of sand, and there is not a single other type of life form out there and no other planet that can support life. Bollocks! There are about 100 billion galaxies in the observable universe. So, some galaxies we cannot see (yet). So all those galaxies and stars, and not one planet has another form of life. I have no doubt in my mind that there is another planet out there with aliens. My prediction is about 40% of the people that claim they saw a UFO probably saw one. Some of them could've been seeing an anomaly made by an asteroid or something, and yes some of them are just looking for attention and/or crazy.
Were people abducted by UFOs? Well, that might be a little far-fetched, but you know, it could've happened. Why not?
Here's some more food for thought. The mathematical calculations of the Universe are astronomical (no pun intended) when you think about the magnitude of the Universe. Some galaxies are a couple millions of light years in diameter. 1 light year is 5,865,696,000,000 miles. So think about that.
To contradict myself, the only problem with all this mathematics of the Universe, how did a UFO travel that far, considering everything is so far away. That is an unanswerable question, only a theory can be derived. My best theory is these so called aliens/intelligent life forms are more advanced in the knowledge of science, astronomy, and mathematics than all human beings, that they've been able to invent something (a UFO/Spacecraft) that can travel extensive distances to visit our planet. Probably at speeds unbeknownst to us. They could be traveling here as we speak, but not making it here for another 50 to 100 years.
I believe they are less naive than homo sapiens, and know an uproar will be the outcome if they were to show themselves. If a human went to another planet with intelligent life form, we'd probably bust on through their atmosphere and land our spaceship and think everything will be peaches 'n creme and the other intelligent life form will welcome us. These aliens that have visited Earth probably know we'll try to destroy them and run tests; they do in the movies at least.
I doubt we will witness a visitation by intelligent life form in our lifetime, (you never know) but trust me, there is a very good chance it will happen, I think sooner than later. Just over 50 years ago, 1957, Sputnik was the first aircraft in space. Look how far we've come since then. So in another 50 years, who knows what could happen.
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
First Person Point of View at a Bar (Part I)
I decided to write a short story about a first person's point of view at a bar. Of course I think it is awesome because I wrote it. If people disagree, well that is the American way and it is okay. If this was like 1234 in Ireland and people didn't like what I wrote, I would knife them in their sleep.
Anyway, I should explain this, so it's understandable. Basically, a guy is recalling one of his bar experiences. If there are quotations, he remembers that exact comment. If not, he's making guesstimations what was said at the time.
Keep in mind he is really drunk, so you may have to use your imagination remembering how your mind works and the things you say to yourself when you are "in the tank." So this should make it more understandable when you read it - The guy is drunk.
About 90% of this was written in an inebriated stage. I thought it would be a better representation if I was a little tipsy when I sat down to write. That made it difficult with timing because I would only write while I was drinking. So, it might be more understandable considering the story was told from a drunk person's point of view. However, it made this really tough, and it made me drink more than I intended too. (A lot of Red Wine so I got a lot of those healthy Oxiantidotes in me from the wine.) A lot of hard work drinking was put into this and it was fun. So, here it is and I hope you enjoy it.
Since it was so long, I broke it up into two parts to make it easier to read.
A First Person’s Point of View at a Bar… (PART I)
A first person’s point of view at a bar…
We arrive at the bar in Josh’s Chevy Blazer. He has Sirius radio and a song I recognize as "Sins of Memphisto" by John Prine is playing. I think to myself that John Prine is probably one of the best singers of all time. I decide to comment on it.
“Man, don't you love this guy? You know who it is?”
“Nah, man. Who is it?”
“John Prine. Probably, one of the best of all time, if you wanna know my opinion.”
“I know who he is dumb ass, now let’s go get drunkie.”
“Well, I guess we didn't get all dressed up for nothing.”
We get out of the car and walk up the stairs. We open the door and the bouncer, Kevin, already knows us, so he acknowledges us, we exchange “What’s ups!” and venture into the bar. I see some friends, but my mouth is dry so I head for the bar. It is not very crowded yet, but it is only 22:00, so things will pick up around 23:00 – 23:30. “Better Man” by Clint Black is playing on the jukebox. Great song. The bar is almost full so I still have to claim a spot.
Some chotch is kind of crowding my space and won’t let me get a good spot at the bar. He is wearing a light blue shirt, yellow pants, and a navy blue blazer, talking to a really attractive girl. His hair is slicked back. I can barely hear what he is saying to the girl because it is loud in the bar, but not really trying to listen. Finally the bartender greets me. He’s fairly short, wearing a hat with a pony-tail hanging out of the back. He hasn’t shaven in at least 5 days.
“Yes Sir?”
“I’ll have a Franziskaner… Hey Josh! What do you want? Hey Shithead! I’m talking to you. What do you want to drink?”
He’s talking to his friend Alice. “Jack and coke… No I’ll have a beer… Nah man, just make it a vodka tonic. Make sure they add a twist. If there is no twist I’m going to punch you.”
“Damn! It’s like playing cards with my brother’s kids.” I say to no one in particular but direct it at the bartender. An underrated line constantly stolen from the movie, “Tombstone” but not used very much, except by certain people, I think to myself. “And a vodka tonic, Mr. Bartender.”
He leaves to pour the drinks. Wow, this guy beside me really is a total chotch. I can’t believe this girl is actually talking to him. I bet he Ivy League schooled it. Definitely from the Northeast. Probably was a part of the crew… rowing team. Probably went to a prep/boarding school. Definitely pops his collar, even though he isn’t tonight. I guess I shouldn’t make stereotypes for people I don’t know. I’ll see what he has to say. I kind of nudge him with the back of my hand. He turns around.
“Did you see the Braves game tonight?” Making it seem that I assume he is a Braves fan. “How about that three run dinger McCann hit in the 8th to take a one run lead? And then Soriano was lights out in the 9th. Big win for Jurrjens. I think he’ll be a hall of famer one day.” He looks annoyed.
“Sorry man, Yankees fan. Don’t watch the Braves much.”
I realize he is a fair-weather fan and doesn’t know anything about the Yankees. “Oh, from your accent I assume you’d be a Red Sock. Where you from?”
“Connecticut.”
“Really? Who’s your favorite Yankee?”
“A-Rod and Jeter. Love those guys. Probably the best 2nd and 3rd basemen in baseball.”
I rest my case. “A-Rod plays short doesn’t he?” I say to throw him for a loop.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I thought Jeter played third.” I say to mess with him.
“Yeah, he does.”
I decide to leave the guy alone. He’s harmless and he’s done nothing wrong to me. I can be negative towards people for no reason. Only because I have generalization about people, and I really do not like fake people, and this dude is fake. I introduce myself. He tells me his name is Josh. I tell him my friend I am with is named Josh. I continue to converse with him because he is from out of town and decide I was mean to him and shouldn’t have been. So I buy him and the girl he is talking to a drink. We chat a little more. I tell him places in town to eat and try. Football gets brought up and he knows a little more about football than I would’ve thought. A Giants fan, of course. I discover he went to Northwestern and we talk about how young the coach is and how awesome he is and will be. I tell him how I enjoyed watching Northwestern when they had Darnell Autry and how cool it was they went to the ’96 Rose Bowl. Josh walks up.
“You are bowling second on Silver Striker. Already got you set up.”
“Cool beans. Nice to meet you Josh. This is my friend Joshua. What a coincidence.” I say to be dorky. They shake hands. Then he starts talking to the guy on the other side of the attractive female he is chatting with. Dude’s wearing blue jeans, a pink sweater, with a light pink collar shirt underneath, and penny loafers. “No way” I think to myself. That guy can’t be serious.
We play Silver Striker. I get last place. During the game, I switch to vodka tonic about the third frame. Don’t know why except that I was thirsty and a vodka tonic seemed refreshing. The wine from earlier is kicking in and I am starting to feel hammered. My mom and I had two and a half bottles of red wine between us, I remember. I had probably one and half and she had one bottle. I drink way too much wine I declare to myself, then out loud. I love me some wine, I also say. “Drinking wine makes you feel drunk and high at the same time. Like a drunk-high.” I bring up in idle conversation during the game. No one even acknowledges I said it.
We finish playing. I get last place and bowled a 127. I cuss myself and dropped an “F” bomb after every roll but four, I estimate. I have to buy the other three guys playing a beer. Oh yeah, that fucker, Shawn, bought us a Jaeger bomb during the game, in which we had to wait over five minutes for him to bring them to us. I hate Jaeger bombs. Why does everyone insist on shots all the time, I hate shots. Jaeger bombs are kind of pussy anyway. I think about Cowboys from the western movies and books taking shots. How did they always knock them back like that? Sometimes, straight out of the bottle. I’d throw up if I took a shot like that. Maybe
they are complete bad asses, or the liquor was weaker, more watered, down back then. A topic I’ve brought up before. Always get varying answers.
“What does everyone want?”
“Let’s take a shot!” Josh yells. The other two guys, Shawn and Stephen agree. Shawn won Silver Striker I remember. I’ll have to hear him brag until we play again about this. I hate shots. I don’t wanna be a pussy, so I order four Kamikazes. Those are weak enough for me, I decide. The shots arrive and I sort of have a loathing-hatred towards everybody that is able to take shots without feeling sick. We all toast the shot. I yell to be funny “To girls with big tits!” Two girls turn and look at me. One of them smiles at me. Eleanor. Wow she is hot. She was a freshman when I was a senior in high school. I then decide to buy everyone a beer to be generous.
I buy everyone a Michelob Light. Shawn claims I drink fancy beer. I explain to him that I’d rather spend five to ten extra dollars and drink good beer, than to be a cheap skate and drink Busch Light for the rest of my life. I decide it is a clever assumption I just made and I will use that more often. I lose myself in thought about beer. The difference in a Bud Light and Busch Light is 25 cents at the bar I realize. The difference in a Franziskaner, a very tasty German beer, and a nasty Busch Light is one dollar. Are people that ignorant that they think they are saving tons and tons of money by drinking crappy, crappy beer? I guess so, I realize.
“Hey moron, you daydreaming, or just staring at the girls?” Josh says to me.
I recollect myself and realize I was staring, even though I was lost in thought. Eleanor is looking really nice tonight. She is surrounded by four other girls. Awesome I tell myself. Wow, all of her friends are good looking. I’m loaded. I think to myself that Eleanor is the coolest girl ever. We hung out a few times in college. I haven't seen her in at least two years. I decide to go talk to her. I side step around one friend. She has her back turned to me and smells really nice. Eleanor turns around, sees me, then let’s out a squeal. We hug.
“Hey Eleanor! Good to see you.”
“Wow, good to see you. When did you get back into town? You are looking good.” I blush.
“About a week ago. I had to go to a friend’s wedding in Charleston last weekend. But I just moved back. Moved in with my Mom for the time being. But not for long I hope. So how are you doing?”
“Great. I’m so glad you are back. Are you here for good?” I hate small talk, but she is so good looking. “Yeah, I hope so. I’m still looking for a job. I have a couple of leads I hope. To be honest I don’t have the first clue. Though I’m thinking about applying for a job to be a CEO. Whatever company needs a CEO I think I’m there man.” She laughs. “I mean, I’ve got the look, I’ve got the walk, I’ve got the car, I’ve got the talk. Who better to be a CEO than me?” Wow, am I plastered. “It’s funny the reactions I get when I tell people I’m applying for a job as a CEO. Some people actually believe me. Well, since that probably won’t happen, I bought three dollars worth of lottery tickets today, too. Cross you fingers.”
“I love talking to you. You are so funny and so cute.” She pats me on the cheek. “Well good to see you. Are you gonna be sticking around tonight? We are having a girl’s night out. But…”
“Can I buy you a drink?!” I interrupt. I’m such an idiot.
“Sure…” she says, almost indignantly.
“What are you having?” She tells me a beer.
For some reason I buy her a cosmopolitan and a Bud Light. She asks if I'm trying to get her drunk. I smile. We talk for a little while longer and she introduces me to her friends. I know two of them from high school. One gives me a disapproving look. “Why” I ask myself, intruding on girl’s night out? Well that is dumb. Women are weird. Eleanor asks if I wanna smoke a cigarette. I decline. They all leave and Eleanor asks if I’ll watch their pocketbooks. Damn I’m stuck. What the hell? Women. Of course I agree and I still smell their perfume as they walk off. I love it that you can’t smoke in bars anymore, keeps your clothes from smelling.
“Big Iron” by Marty Robbins is playing now on the Jukebox. I realize I’ve hardly even noticed the music playing, even though it is really loud. I start to sing along to the song and don’t care if anyone sees me. Wow, I’m a little toasted. I’m all alone and I decide I should’ve gone with the girls to smoke a cigarette. I want one now. Damn! Finally a friend and his girlfriend walk up, Big Bart and Stephanie, I think is her name.
“What are you doing man?”
“Well, I got suckered into watching these girl’s purses. I can’t leave now, can I?
You two want a drink?”
“Those are pocketbooks.” Stephanie corrects me, I think that is her name. Why are chicks such smart asses sometimes? “Whatever” I think. I really don’t remember her name and don’t want to be rude and ask. Stephanie it is.
“Hell No! We are going to buy you a drink. You just moved back. Welcome back. We missed you man.” I decide Big Bart is one of the coolest guys ever, even though he’s not, and I feel really short talking to him because he is huge. He could probably dunk a ten-foot goal I think to myself. He makes me take a shot with him, I don’t know what it is, but it tastes like coffee, then he buys me a vodka tonic. I decide that vodka tonics are awesome, and I wish I would’ve started drinking them a long time ago instead of all that bourbon.
We talk for a while until the girls come back in. Eleanor kisses me on the lips right when she walks up. Wow. I’m feeling kind of good now. She tells me that her girlfriends said she should do it right when they all walked in. They are all giggling. One of them pinches my butt. Then Eleanor takes my hand and carries me away. I look back at Big Bart and he just smiles at me, and points us out to his girlfriend. We go behind the cigarette machine. She tells me she’s always had a crush on me. Then we start making out. This is so cool. Is this really happening. I guess it is. Eleanor is way out of my league. She tastes like cigarettes, but her lipstick is very sweet. I reach behind and squeeze her butt. She pulls me really tight so my chest is against her breast. I get excited.
She stops kissing me and we are both out of breath. She tells me she is so glad to see me and glad that I’ve moved back. I tell her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world and she says, “Awww,” then we kiss again. We stop and she declares she needs a beer. She grabs my hand and leads me back to the bar, but let’s go as soon as we get near everyone. Big Bart announces to everyone, “Look at you! You’ve got lipstick on your lips. Somebody’s been smooching! That is awesome man!” He gives me a high-five. Then he starts a cheer and everyone around starts chanting my name. Then he gets everyone to point at me continuously and chant, “You…You…You!” I blush, but not as bad as Eleanor.
I can tell she is really embarrassed. Then the unthinkable happens and she kisses me in front of everyone and a few people erupt in cheers. Then she pushes me away and slaps me, but not hard, playfully, I think. “What just happened?” I think to myself. Then everyone yells, “Oooooh!” One guy is even jumping up and down. I’m in shock. She grabs me behind the neck and starts massaging it, and tells me she was just making a joke, slapping me. I kind of think it is funny, then I think she is one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met.
What is happening? I’m drunker than Cooter-Brown.
Anyway, I should explain this, so it's understandable. Basically, a guy is recalling one of his bar experiences. If there are quotations, he remembers that exact comment. If not, he's making guesstimations what was said at the time.
Keep in mind he is really drunk, so you may have to use your imagination remembering how your mind works and the things you say to yourself when you are "in the tank." So this should make it more understandable when you read it - The guy is drunk.
About 90% of this was written in an inebriated stage. I thought it would be a better representation if I was a little tipsy when I sat down to write. That made it difficult with timing because I would only write while I was drinking. So, it might be more understandable considering the story was told from a drunk person's point of view. However, it made this really tough, and it made me drink more than I intended too. (A lot of Red Wine so I got a lot of those healthy Oxiantidotes in me from the wine.) A lot of hard work drinking was put into this and it was fun. So, here it is and I hope you enjoy it.
Since it was so long, I broke it up into two parts to make it easier to read.
A First Person’s Point of View at a Bar… (PART I)
A first person’s point of view at a bar…
We arrive at the bar in Josh’s Chevy Blazer. He has Sirius radio and a song I recognize as "Sins of Memphisto" by John Prine is playing. I think to myself that John Prine is probably one of the best singers of all time. I decide to comment on it.
“Man, don't you love this guy? You know who it is?”
“Nah, man. Who is it?”
“John Prine. Probably, one of the best of all time, if you wanna know my opinion.”
“I know who he is dumb ass, now let’s go get drunkie.”
“Well, I guess we didn't get all dressed up for nothing.”
We get out of the car and walk up the stairs. We open the door and the bouncer, Kevin, already knows us, so he acknowledges us, we exchange “What’s ups!” and venture into the bar. I see some friends, but my mouth is dry so I head for the bar. It is not very crowded yet, but it is only 22:00, so things will pick up around 23:00 – 23:30. “Better Man” by Clint Black is playing on the jukebox. Great song. The bar is almost full so I still have to claim a spot.
Some chotch is kind of crowding my space and won’t let me get a good spot at the bar. He is wearing a light blue shirt, yellow pants, and a navy blue blazer, talking to a really attractive girl. His hair is slicked back. I can barely hear what he is saying to the girl because it is loud in the bar, but not really trying to listen. Finally the bartender greets me. He’s fairly short, wearing a hat with a pony-tail hanging out of the back. He hasn’t shaven in at least 5 days.
“Yes Sir?”
“I’ll have a Franziskaner… Hey Josh! What do you want? Hey Shithead! I’m talking to you. What do you want to drink?”
He’s talking to his friend Alice. “Jack and coke… No I’ll have a beer… Nah man, just make it a vodka tonic. Make sure they add a twist. If there is no twist I’m going to punch you.”
“Damn! It’s like playing cards with my brother’s kids.” I say to no one in particular but direct it at the bartender. An underrated line constantly stolen from the movie, “Tombstone” but not used very much, except by certain people, I think to myself. “And a vodka tonic, Mr. Bartender.”
He leaves to pour the drinks. Wow, this guy beside me really is a total chotch. I can’t believe this girl is actually talking to him. I bet he Ivy League schooled it. Definitely from the Northeast. Probably was a part of the crew… rowing team. Probably went to a prep/boarding school. Definitely pops his collar, even though he isn’t tonight. I guess I shouldn’t make stereotypes for people I don’t know. I’ll see what he has to say. I kind of nudge him with the back of my hand. He turns around.
“Did you see the Braves game tonight?” Making it seem that I assume he is a Braves fan. “How about that three run dinger McCann hit in the 8th to take a one run lead? And then Soriano was lights out in the 9th. Big win for Jurrjens. I think he’ll be a hall of famer one day.” He looks annoyed.
“Sorry man, Yankees fan. Don’t watch the Braves much.”
I realize he is a fair-weather fan and doesn’t know anything about the Yankees. “Oh, from your accent I assume you’d be a Red Sock. Where you from?”
“Connecticut.”
“Really? Who’s your favorite Yankee?”
“A-Rod and Jeter. Love those guys. Probably the best 2nd and 3rd basemen in baseball.”
I rest my case. “A-Rod plays short doesn’t he?” I say to throw him for a loop.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“I thought Jeter played third.” I say to mess with him.
“Yeah, he does.”
I decide to leave the guy alone. He’s harmless and he’s done nothing wrong to me. I can be negative towards people for no reason. Only because I have generalization about people, and I really do not like fake people, and this dude is fake. I introduce myself. He tells me his name is Josh. I tell him my friend I am with is named Josh. I continue to converse with him because he is from out of town and decide I was mean to him and shouldn’t have been. So I buy him and the girl he is talking to a drink. We chat a little more. I tell him places in town to eat and try. Football gets brought up and he knows a little more about football than I would’ve thought. A Giants fan, of course. I discover he went to Northwestern and we talk about how young the coach is and how awesome he is and will be. I tell him how I enjoyed watching Northwestern when they had Darnell Autry and how cool it was they went to the ’96 Rose Bowl. Josh walks up.
“You are bowling second on Silver Striker. Already got you set up.”
“Cool beans. Nice to meet you Josh. This is my friend Joshua. What a coincidence.” I say to be dorky. They shake hands. Then he starts talking to the guy on the other side of the attractive female he is chatting with. Dude’s wearing blue jeans, a pink sweater, with a light pink collar shirt underneath, and penny loafers. “No way” I think to myself. That guy can’t be serious.
We play Silver Striker. I get last place. During the game, I switch to vodka tonic about the third frame. Don’t know why except that I was thirsty and a vodka tonic seemed refreshing. The wine from earlier is kicking in and I am starting to feel hammered. My mom and I had two and a half bottles of red wine between us, I remember. I had probably one and half and she had one bottle. I drink way too much wine I declare to myself, then out loud. I love me some wine, I also say. “Drinking wine makes you feel drunk and high at the same time. Like a drunk-high.” I bring up in idle conversation during the game. No one even acknowledges I said it.
We finish playing. I get last place and bowled a 127. I cuss myself and dropped an “F” bomb after every roll but four, I estimate. I have to buy the other three guys playing a beer. Oh yeah, that fucker, Shawn, bought us a Jaeger bomb during the game, in which we had to wait over five minutes for him to bring them to us. I hate Jaeger bombs. Why does everyone insist on shots all the time, I hate shots. Jaeger bombs are kind of pussy anyway. I think about Cowboys from the western movies and books taking shots. How did they always knock them back like that? Sometimes, straight out of the bottle. I’d throw up if I took a shot like that. Maybe
they are complete bad asses, or the liquor was weaker, more watered, down back then. A topic I’ve brought up before. Always get varying answers.
“What does everyone want?”
“Let’s take a shot!” Josh yells. The other two guys, Shawn and Stephen agree. Shawn won Silver Striker I remember. I’ll have to hear him brag until we play again about this. I hate shots. I don’t wanna be a pussy, so I order four Kamikazes. Those are weak enough for me, I decide. The shots arrive and I sort of have a loathing-hatred towards everybody that is able to take shots without feeling sick. We all toast the shot. I yell to be funny “To girls with big tits!” Two girls turn and look at me. One of them smiles at me. Eleanor. Wow she is hot. She was a freshman when I was a senior in high school. I then decide to buy everyone a beer to be generous.
I buy everyone a Michelob Light. Shawn claims I drink fancy beer. I explain to him that I’d rather spend five to ten extra dollars and drink good beer, than to be a cheap skate and drink Busch Light for the rest of my life. I decide it is a clever assumption I just made and I will use that more often. I lose myself in thought about beer. The difference in a Bud Light and Busch Light is 25 cents at the bar I realize. The difference in a Franziskaner, a very tasty German beer, and a nasty Busch Light is one dollar. Are people that ignorant that they think they are saving tons and tons of money by drinking crappy, crappy beer? I guess so, I realize.
“Hey moron, you daydreaming, or just staring at the girls?” Josh says to me.
I recollect myself and realize I was staring, even though I was lost in thought. Eleanor is looking really nice tonight. She is surrounded by four other girls. Awesome I tell myself. Wow, all of her friends are good looking. I’m loaded. I think to myself that Eleanor is the coolest girl ever. We hung out a few times in college. I haven't seen her in at least two years. I decide to go talk to her. I side step around one friend. She has her back turned to me and smells really nice. Eleanor turns around, sees me, then let’s out a squeal. We hug.
“Hey Eleanor! Good to see you.”
“Wow, good to see you. When did you get back into town? You are looking good.” I blush.
“About a week ago. I had to go to a friend’s wedding in Charleston last weekend. But I just moved back. Moved in with my Mom for the time being. But not for long I hope. So how are you doing?”
“Great. I’m so glad you are back. Are you here for good?” I hate small talk, but she is so good looking. “Yeah, I hope so. I’m still looking for a job. I have a couple of leads I hope. To be honest I don’t have the first clue. Though I’m thinking about applying for a job to be a CEO. Whatever company needs a CEO I think I’m there man.” She laughs. “I mean, I’ve got the look, I’ve got the walk, I’ve got the car, I’ve got the talk. Who better to be a CEO than me?” Wow, am I plastered. “It’s funny the reactions I get when I tell people I’m applying for a job as a CEO. Some people actually believe me. Well, since that probably won’t happen, I bought three dollars worth of lottery tickets today, too. Cross you fingers.”
“I love talking to you. You are so funny and so cute.” She pats me on the cheek. “Well good to see you. Are you gonna be sticking around tonight? We are having a girl’s night out. But…”
“Can I buy you a drink?!” I interrupt. I’m such an idiot.
“Sure…” she says, almost indignantly.
“What are you having?” She tells me a beer.
For some reason I buy her a cosmopolitan and a Bud Light. She asks if I'm trying to get her drunk. I smile. We talk for a little while longer and she introduces me to her friends. I know two of them from high school. One gives me a disapproving look. “Why” I ask myself, intruding on girl’s night out? Well that is dumb. Women are weird. Eleanor asks if I wanna smoke a cigarette. I decline. They all leave and Eleanor asks if I’ll watch their pocketbooks. Damn I’m stuck. What the hell? Women. Of course I agree and I still smell their perfume as they walk off. I love it that you can’t smoke in bars anymore, keeps your clothes from smelling.
“Big Iron” by Marty Robbins is playing now on the Jukebox. I realize I’ve hardly even noticed the music playing, even though it is really loud. I start to sing along to the song and don’t care if anyone sees me. Wow, I’m a little toasted. I’m all alone and I decide I should’ve gone with the girls to smoke a cigarette. I want one now. Damn! Finally a friend and his girlfriend walk up, Big Bart and Stephanie, I think is her name.
“What are you doing man?”
“Well, I got suckered into watching these girl’s purses. I can’t leave now, can I?
You two want a drink?”
“Those are pocketbooks.” Stephanie corrects me, I think that is her name. Why are chicks such smart asses sometimes? “Whatever” I think. I really don’t remember her name and don’t want to be rude and ask. Stephanie it is.
“Hell No! We are going to buy you a drink. You just moved back. Welcome back. We missed you man.” I decide Big Bart is one of the coolest guys ever, even though he’s not, and I feel really short talking to him because he is huge. He could probably dunk a ten-foot goal I think to myself. He makes me take a shot with him, I don’t know what it is, but it tastes like coffee, then he buys me a vodka tonic. I decide that vodka tonics are awesome, and I wish I would’ve started drinking them a long time ago instead of all that bourbon.
We talk for a while until the girls come back in. Eleanor kisses me on the lips right when she walks up. Wow. I’m feeling kind of good now. She tells me that her girlfriends said she should do it right when they all walked in. They are all giggling. One of them pinches my butt. Then Eleanor takes my hand and carries me away. I look back at Big Bart and he just smiles at me, and points us out to his girlfriend. We go behind the cigarette machine. She tells me she’s always had a crush on me. Then we start making out. This is so cool. Is this really happening. I guess it is. Eleanor is way out of my league. She tastes like cigarettes, but her lipstick is very sweet. I reach behind and squeeze her butt. She pulls me really tight so my chest is against her breast. I get excited.
She stops kissing me and we are both out of breath. She tells me she is so glad to see me and glad that I’ve moved back. I tell her that she is the most beautiful girl in the world and she says, “Awww,” then we kiss again. We stop and she declares she needs a beer. She grabs my hand and leads me back to the bar, but let’s go as soon as we get near everyone. Big Bart announces to everyone, “Look at you! You’ve got lipstick on your lips. Somebody’s been smooching! That is awesome man!” He gives me a high-five. Then he starts a cheer and everyone around starts chanting my name. Then he gets everyone to point at me continuously and chant, “You…You…You!” I blush, but not as bad as Eleanor.
I can tell she is really embarrassed. Then the unthinkable happens and she kisses me in front of everyone and a few people erupt in cheers. Then she pushes me away and slaps me, but not hard, playfully, I think. “What just happened?” I think to myself. Then everyone yells, “Oooooh!” One guy is even jumping up and down. I’m in shock. She grabs me behind the neck and starts massaging it, and tells me she was just making a joke, slapping me. I kind of think it is funny, then I think she is one of the coolest girls I’ve ever met.
What is happening? I’m drunker than Cooter-Brown.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
First Person Point of View at a Bar (Part II)
A First Person Point of View at a Bar... (Part II)
My face and ears are very red I can tell. I go up to the bar and the bartender hands me a Bud Light. He points to Stephen and tells me he bought it for me. He’s looking at me so I raise my beer to him and take a sip. I say thanks and look at Eleanor to make sure she doesn’t need a drink, but she has a beer in her hand. Big Bart grabs me on the shoulder and tells me we are taking a shot.
He asks Eleanor if she’ll take one with us since we are in love. Bart is such a Jack-Ass. She agrees. Bart and his girlfriend – Jackie are in. I can’t remember her name, what did I call her earlier, Suzanne or something. Shit! I’m drunk. Damn I hate shots. I smell it first and it smells like Jaegermeister. Bart makes a toast for Eleanor and me to get married. Asshole. Us four take the shot. I cringe after I take it. It’s another Jaeger-bomb. Really, is that all anyone takes anymore? I ask myself. I take a sip of my beer to wash it down. I’m plastered I realize. No more shots. Bart makes us four have a group hug. He’s so big he can put his arms around the three of us. I walk with Eleanor back to her friends. I tell her I need to find my friends. She kisses me and tells me to find her later. I’m in love, or am I.
I find Joshua, Stephen, and Shawn talking to a random guy. He’s in his early 40s, sporting a black beard, wearing a faded black, or could be gray, Budweiser hat, with shaggy black hair coming out of the back. I arrive upon the conversation. The random guy is telling the three of them about his trucking business. He’s explaining to them how deli-meat delivery is key right now. The random guy, notices me, turns and asks if I know a guy named Tracy Cooper. I shake my head. He says, “Well you look like this guy I use to work with. You sure you don’t know Tree Climber.”
This guy is drunker than a skunk. I decide “what the hell” this could be fun, and tell him I know the guy he was referring to, Tracy Something. I then tell the fellow that I recognize him and convince him we used to work together. He gets excited and shakes my hand and pats me on the back, and says, over exuberantly, “I thought I recognized you. We played softball together.” I make up a guys name on the team and he says he remembers him too. He then asks again, “You know Tree Climber? Yeah, Ol’ Tree Climber? Ol’ Tree Climber Tracy Cooper?” I nod my head. He’s very excited now. “Yeah, Ol’ Tree Climber Tracy Cooper. He’d rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.” I look at my three friends and we all smile. He then breaks into an elaborate story about how Tracy Cooper just spent eight months in prison for driving one of his eighteen-wheeler trucks, drunk, into a friend’s four car garage, totaling his ’96 corvette. Then fought off the cops until it took about ten to bring him in; putting two in the hospital, but not severely injuring them.
I finally zone out from the conversation and ponder what I am going to do tomorrow. I’m hungry I realize. Shouting breaks out. I look up and see two guys pushing their way towards each other, obviously trying to fight each other. They are over by the bar’s only pool table. They are shouting at each other. Sounds like from the shouting, they are fighting over who gets to shoot the next game of pool. Kind of entertaining. They eventually calm down and shake hands. The music from the jukebox stops and no other music comes on. Yes! I say to myself. Finally I get to play some music.
I walk over to the jukebox, and on my way over I look at my watch, 23:32. The bar is crowded, but I’ve seen worse. I start flipping through the songs and pick out a few good songs I think will be good to play. I pull out my wallet, because the machine only takes $1, $5, and $10s, and realize I only have 20 dollar bills on me. Frustrating... I take a deep breath, look at the ceiling, and cuss myself.
I turn around and Eleanor is standing behind me with four $1 bills. I give her a hug and thank her. She says she saw me fumbling through my wallet and decided to come over. I put the four dollars in, which let’s you play ten songs. I ask her to help me pick out some songs. I put in a dollar, and choose “Luckenbach, Texas” by Waylon Jennings. The record comes on and Waylon’s voice starts singing,
“There’s only two things in life that makes it worth livin’, That’s guitars that tune good and firm feelin’ women…”
She says she loves this song. Before we pick anymore songs, I tell her we are dancing. We dance to the song, but not very gracefully because we’ve both had a lot to drink. I dip her, a couple of times, and we do the “Pretzel” dance move, a few times. “Who cares what everyone thinks.” I think to myself. At the end of the song, I dip her, hold her in the dip, and kiss her. A couple sitting close by claps for us. I bring her back up and she hugs me and tells me, “Thanks! I’ve been waiting a year for someone to ask me to dance, here at this bar.” I then say, “Where have you been my whole life?” She kisses me on the cheek.
We go back to the jukebox and finish picking our play list. I pick “St. Jude” by the Beatles. She smiles and says I’m Old Fashioned. We then decide to play, “Going to California” by Led Zeppelin, “Hollywood Nights” and “Mainstreet” by Bob Seger, “Bad Moon Rising” and “Midnight Special” by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and “(We’re Not) The Jet Set” and “He Stopped Loving Her Today” by George Jones. She picks two other songs but I don’t really notice. I’m just happy she’s having fun with me.
She tells me I should bring my three buddies over to talk to her friends. We all went to high school together and know each other, but Eleanor’s friends are three years younger. She says they are being kind of bitchy tonight and they need some guys to talk to because they are taking this girl’s night out way too far. Only one of them has a boyfriend, but they are on the rocks. I tell her that her friends are hot and maybe I should keep them to myself. She punches me in the arm. Wow, that kind of hurt. I tell her it sounds like a plan.
I walk up to the three of them still listening to the guy tell a story about his sister dyeing her hair purple or something. Who cares? “Well guys. The girls with Eleanor wants yall to come over and at least give them some attention.”
Shawn decides to chime in. “Oh, well look at you. You get lucky as hell and kiss a hot girl and all of the sudden you decide to be Mr. Matchmaker.” I smile, I can’t hide my smile. I can feel my ears turning red. “Cheesin’ for a reason, ain’t you.” He fixes my collar and then dusts off my shoulders. “I’m in. Shit, why not. I call the short one, guys… Lisa. She’s mine.”
Josh replies back jokingly. “Whatever Shawn. Too bad you are such a little bitch. She’ll drop you like a bad habit. I’ll decide what girl I’m gonna hit on. I don’t need you calling girls, walking around like you shit doesn’t think. Fine take her. But don’t be made when she falls in love with me.”
“In your dreams, man!” Shawn responds.
Stephens shy around girls so he doesn’t say anything.
The three of them get up and say bye to the guy they are talking to. We venture over to the girls. They are talking about politics. I slide in beside Eleanor and introduce everyone. Even though I haven’t spoken to her other four friends since I’ve been at the bar, I remember their names from high school, Lisa, Sarah, Kellie, and Sam.
Stephen, of all people, says, “Yeah, Romeo, we all know each other. Damn, you’ve been away too long.” I realize how drunk he is. He isn’t shy at all around girls anymore. He hugs Sam. Everyone starts talking to each other. Kellie reminds me how I once misspelled her name with a “y” and Sam tells me how she had a crush on me in middle school because I was always showing off at church. I decide to give her a hug and tell her how I remember how much fun church was. She says to Eleanor that we are such a cute couple. “What” I think to myself. We just made out at the bar. This girl is trying to get us married. Damn Women! “We’re not the Jet Set” comes on the Jukebox. I ask Eleanor to dance.
“I’m sorry for being a drunkard.” I apologize to her. She tells me I’m fine. “I forgot how everyone knows each other. Stephen acts like he’s a ladies man now.”
“He’s not. Him and Sam dated for about two months. They are both really shy. Stephen gets drunk and really starts talking. He’s so cool, and he is so funny when he’s got some drinks in him. They are so in love with each other, but won’t admit it. Look at them.” Stephen was up at the bar. He had his back turned to it, but it appears he bought her a drink and was flirting with her. He just hugged her. Way to go Stephen, I say to myself.
“Well good for them. I didn’t know about that.”
Eleanor makes me spin her. I then spin her in to me. She puts both of her arms around my neck and puts her head on my shoulder. I get flushed and start sweating a little. I push away from her a little and start singing along with Tammy Wynette and George Jones,
“No we’re not the jet set/ We’re the old Chevrolet set/ Our steak and martinis/ Is draft beer with weenies.”
I tell her this is our song, then decide to go for it and kiss her. She looks me in the eye, puts her hand behind my head, pulls me to her and starts making out with me. I’m in love, I think. The song begins to fade out so I spin her again, then dip her. She grabs my hand and we walk back to the group. I hear someone mutter, “Get a room.” What a cliché I think. That line is so old. "Fuck ‘er dude" is what I would’ve said, inappropriate to say publicly, but funny. Oh well.
Stephen and Sam are obviously going to hook up. Josh is telling a joke, one I’ve heard a million times, about condoms. The other three girls are eating it up. I’m on cloud nine, though. I’m kind of lightheaded. I think it’s because I can’t believe I’ve been making out with Eleanor. I hope she’s not drunk and is gonna ditch me tomorrow. She doesn’t seem too drunk. Who cares? Tonight was cool. I notice the guy I met earlier tonight, Josh. What a tool bag? He has his arm around the girl he is with, whispering into her ear. I have an idea and decide, this’ll be really funny.
I whisper into Eleanor’s ear. “Watch this. I’m gonna walk over to that chair where that couple is sitting and try to sit down. I’m gonna act like I’m plastered and miss the chair. So run over and act like you are making sure I’m okay.” Okay, she says back and smiles at me.
I walk over to the table. Even though I’m really drunk, I act like I can barely walk. “Josh!” I call out and wave before I’m halfway there. “Hey man, how’s it going?” I’m can’t contain my smile, but play it off by say, “Hey man, good to see you.” I arrive at their table. “How’s tonight been?” The girl and he stand up. We shake hands and he introduces me to the girl. I can barely hear him say what the girl’s name is. “Cum On Feel the Noize” by Quiet Riot is blaring. I introduce myself to the girl. I thought he said her name was Anna, or Anne. Don’t know. They both sit down. I face them, then feel for my seat and make sure it is far enough away so I’ll miss it. I go to sit down and miss my chair by a mile.
I realize I fell harder than was intended. The chair somehow is lying on top of me. I’m in some pain. My butt-bone and right elbow feel bruised really bad. I just lie there. I hear people shouting stuff. I’m moaning in pain. I see Eleanor and Josh, the chotch, standing over me, Eleanor is smiling. I feel her soft hand grab mine and ask if I’m okay. I regain my wits. I get up. Josh asks me if I’m okay. I start laughing in his face. Eleanor puts my arm around her to carry me away. She is laughing hysterically. “Later man!” I say to him. Eleanor carries me back to the group. She puts both of her hands on my face. “That was awesome. Everyone in the place is laughing and probably looking at you right now. That was so funny.” She kisses me and asks if I’m okay. I just nod my head. I’m in a little pain. Who cares, I’m wasted.
A big guy in black pants and a black shirt walks up. He’s got the bar logo on his shirt. “Sir, I’m sorry but you are gonna have to leave. Way too much to drink.”
“Wait, I was just foolin’ around. You didn’t think I meant to… No… I’m fine. I was just messing with that goober over there… Hold on…”
“I’m sorry Sir, but you have to go. The owner is here tonight and he said you need to leave.” I start to argue with him but realize it is gonna cause a commotion. I tell him that is gay and I should be able to play a drunk joke if I want to. He still insists I need to leave. Well there goes my night. Eleanor grabs my sleeve and tells me we should go to another bar anyway. Check out something different. Sounds good to me. She says that they are parked out back. We are parked out front, so I tell her to meet me around front. She kisses me and tells me she’ll see me in a minute.
Josh is signing out his tab at the bar. I’m actually really, really drunk and start stumbling toward the door. I bump into Josh, kind of push him with my shoulder as I walk by him. He looks at me, and while shaking his head, gives me the “not now” look. We walk by the bouncer, the one we know, Kevin. He tells us to take it easy boys and to be careful. I tell him I was just kidding and give him a five, but Josh grabs me and tells me to come on. We get into the stairwell, and I decide to tackle Josh on about the fifth step down. We start wrestling and fall down a couple of steps. I’m laughing and he cusses me for being a drunk ass.
I get up and take a step another step down, then get tackled by Josh. We are sort of wrestling and sliding down a few steps at the same time, laughing. Stephen yells at us, “Children! Children! We’re out in public. Cut this shit out. What the hell are yall doing. Seriously yall.” After about fifteen seconds we finally stop wrestling. I’m out of breath, kind of laughing a little. Geez, I’m out of shape. Josh and I laugh and put our arms around each other and walk down the rest of the steps. Stephen says to us, sort of jokingly, but kind of seriously, “Yall need to grow up. Seriously yall. Act your age.” I go in for the tackle around his legs, but am so tired I miss. I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath. I hear a car coming around the corner, so I jump up.
It’s a Toyota Highlander. The backseat window rolls down. It’s Eleanor. I walk up to the car. She asks, “What were you doing on the ground? Why are you out of breath?” I say jokingly, “Hey girl quit asking so many questions. Dang!” I tell her that I was wrestling with Josh in the stairwell, then tried to tackle Stephen and missed. She laughs and says that is too funny. She then asks, “Where are we going next…”
I jump into the car with the girls and tell my friends to meet us at the new bar, "The Python"
Stephen tells Sam he'll see her there.
"Later Dudes!" I yell to them, and we drive off.
My face and ears are very red I can tell. I go up to the bar and the bartender hands me a Bud Light. He points to Stephen and tells me he bought it for me. He’s looking at me so I raise my beer to him and take a sip. I say thanks and look at Eleanor to make sure she doesn’t need a drink, but she has a beer in her hand. Big Bart grabs me on the shoulder and tells me we are taking a shot.
He asks Eleanor if she’ll take one with us since we are in love. Bart is such a Jack-Ass. She agrees. Bart and his girlfriend – Jackie are in. I can’t remember her name, what did I call her earlier, Suzanne or something. Shit! I’m drunk. Damn I hate shots. I smell it first and it smells like Jaegermeister. Bart makes a toast for Eleanor and me to get married. Asshole. Us four take the shot. I cringe after I take it. It’s another Jaeger-bomb. Really, is that all anyone takes anymore? I ask myself. I take a sip of my beer to wash it down. I’m plastered I realize. No more shots. Bart makes us four have a group hug. He’s so big he can put his arms around the three of us. I walk with Eleanor back to her friends. I tell her I need to find my friends. She kisses me and tells me to find her later. I’m in love, or am I.
I find Joshua, Stephen, and Shawn talking to a random guy. He’s in his early 40s, sporting a black beard, wearing a faded black, or could be gray, Budweiser hat, with shaggy black hair coming out of the back. I arrive upon the conversation. The random guy is telling the three of them about his trucking business. He’s explaining to them how deli-meat delivery is key right now. The random guy, notices me, turns and asks if I know a guy named Tracy Cooper. I shake my head. He says, “Well you look like this guy I use to work with. You sure you don’t know Tree Climber.”
This guy is drunker than a skunk. I decide “what the hell” this could be fun, and tell him I know the guy he was referring to, Tracy Something. I then tell the fellow that I recognize him and convince him we used to work together. He gets excited and shakes my hand and pats me on the back, and says, over exuberantly, “I thought I recognized you. We played softball together.” I make up a guys name on the team and he says he remembers him too. He then asks again, “You know Tree Climber? Yeah, Ol’ Tree Climber? Ol’ Tree Climber Tracy Cooper?” I nod my head. He’s very excited now. “Yeah, Ol’ Tree Climber Tracy Cooper. He’d rather climb a tree and tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.” I look at my three friends and we all smile. He then breaks into an elaborate story about how Tracy Cooper just spent eight months in prison for driving one of his eighteen-wheeler trucks, drunk, into a friend’s four car garage, totaling his ’96 corvette. Then fought off the cops until it took about ten to bring him in; putting two in the hospital, but not severely injuring them.
I finally zone out from the conversation and ponder what I am going to do tomorrow. I’m hungry I realize. Shouting breaks out. I look up and see two guys pushing their way towards each other, obviously trying to fight each other. They are over by the bar’s only pool table. They are shouting at each other. Sounds like from the shouting, they are fighting over who gets to shoot the next game of pool. Kind of entertaining. They eventually calm down and shake hands. The music from the jukebox stops and no other music comes on. Yes! I say to myself. Finally I get to play some music.
I walk over to the jukebox, and on my way over I look at my watch, 23:32. The bar is crowded, but I’ve seen worse. I start flipping through the songs and pick out a few good songs I think will be good to play. I pull out my wallet, because the machine only takes $1, $5, and $10s, and realize I only have 20 dollar bills on me. Frustrating... I take a deep breath, look at the ceiling, and cuss myself.
I turn around and Eleanor is standing behind me with four $1 bills. I give her a hug and thank her. She says she saw me fumbling through my wallet and decided to come over. I put the four dollars in, which let’s you play ten songs. I ask her to help me pick out some songs. I put in a dollar, and choose “Luckenbach, Texas” by Waylon Jennings. The record comes on and Waylon’s voice starts singing,
“There’s only two things in life that makes it worth livin’, That’s guitars that tune good and firm feelin’ women…”
She says she loves this song. Before we pick anymore songs, I tell her we are dancing. We dance to the song, but not very gracefully because we’ve both had a lot to drink. I dip her, a couple of times, and we do the “Pretzel” dance move, a few times. “Who cares what everyone thinks.” I think to myself. At the end of the song, I dip her, hold her in the dip, and kiss her. A couple sitting close by claps for us. I bring her back up and she hugs me and tells me, “Thanks! I’ve been waiting a year for someone to ask me to dance, here at this bar.” I then say, “Where have you been my whole life?” She kisses me on the cheek.
We go back to the jukebox and finish picking our play list. I pick “St. Jude” by the Beatles. She smiles and says I’m Old Fashioned. We then decide to play, “Going to California” by Led Zeppelin, “Hollywood Nights” and “Mainstreet” by Bob Seger, “Bad Moon Rising” and “Midnight Special” by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and “(We’re Not) The Jet Set” and “He Stopped Loving Her Today” by George Jones. She picks two other songs but I don’t really notice. I’m just happy she’s having fun with me.
She tells me I should bring my three buddies over to talk to her friends. We all went to high school together and know each other, but Eleanor’s friends are three years younger. She says they are being kind of bitchy tonight and they need some guys to talk to because they are taking this girl’s night out way too far. Only one of them has a boyfriend, but they are on the rocks. I tell her that her friends are hot and maybe I should keep them to myself. She punches me in the arm. Wow, that kind of hurt. I tell her it sounds like a plan.
I walk up to the three of them still listening to the guy tell a story about his sister dyeing her hair purple or something. Who cares? “Well guys. The girls with Eleanor wants yall to come over and at least give them some attention.”
Shawn decides to chime in. “Oh, well look at you. You get lucky as hell and kiss a hot girl and all of the sudden you decide to be Mr. Matchmaker.” I smile, I can’t hide my smile. I can feel my ears turning red. “Cheesin’ for a reason, ain’t you.” He fixes my collar and then dusts off my shoulders. “I’m in. Shit, why not. I call the short one, guys… Lisa. She’s mine.”
Josh replies back jokingly. “Whatever Shawn. Too bad you are such a little bitch. She’ll drop you like a bad habit. I’ll decide what girl I’m gonna hit on. I don’t need you calling girls, walking around like you shit doesn’t think. Fine take her. But don’t be made when she falls in love with me.”
“In your dreams, man!” Shawn responds.
Stephens shy around girls so he doesn’t say anything.
The three of them get up and say bye to the guy they are talking to. We venture over to the girls. They are talking about politics. I slide in beside Eleanor and introduce everyone. Even though I haven’t spoken to her other four friends since I’ve been at the bar, I remember their names from high school, Lisa, Sarah, Kellie, and Sam.
Stephen, of all people, says, “Yeah, Romeo, we all know each other. Damn, you’ve been away too long.” I realize how drunk he is. He isn’t shy at all around girls anymore. He hugs Sam. Everyone starts talking to each other. Kellie reminds me how I once misspelled her name with a “y” and Sam tells me how she had a crush on me in middle school because I was always showing off at church. I decide to give her a hug and tell her how I remember how much fun church was. She says to Eleanor that we are such a cute couple. “What” I think to myself. We just made out at the bar. This girl is trying to get us married. Damn Women! “We’re not the Jet Set” comes on the Jukebox. I ask Eleanor to dance.
“I’m sorry for being a drunkard.” I apologize to her. She tells me I’m fine. “I forgot how everyone knows each other. Stephen acts like he’s a ladies man now.”
“He’s not. Him and Sam dated for about two months. They are both really shy. Stephen gets drunk and really starts talking. He’s so cool, and he is so funny when he’s got some drinks in him. They are so in love with each other, but won’t admit it. Look at them.” Stephen was up at the bar. He had his back turned to it, but it appears he bought her a drink and was flirting with her. He just hugged her. Way to go Stephen, I say to myself.
“Well good for them. I didn’t know about that.”
Eleanor makes me spin her. I then spin her in to me. She puts both of her arms around my neck and puts her head on my shoulder. I get flushed and start sweating a little. I push away from her a little and start singing along with Tammy Wynette and George Jones,
“No we’re not the jet set/ We’re the old Chevrolet set/ Our steak and martinis/ Is draft beer with weenies.”
I tell her this is our song, then decide to go for it and kiss her. She looks me in the eye, puts her hand behind my head, pulls me to her and starts making out with me. I’m in love, I think. The song begins to fade out so I spin her again, then dip her. She grabs my hand and we walk back to the group. I hear someone mutter, “Get a room.” What a cliché I think. That line is so old. "Fuck ‘er dude" is what I would’ve said, inappropriate to say publicly, but funny. Oh well.
Stephen and Sam are obviously going to hook up. Josh is telling a joke, one I’ve heard a million times, about condoms. The other three girls are eating it up. I’m on cloud nine, though. I’m kind of lightheaded. I think it’s because I can’t believe I’ve been making out with Eleanor. I hope she’s not drunk and is gonna ditch me tomorrow. She doesn’t seem too drunk. Who cares? Tonight was cool. I notice the guy I met earlier tonight, Josh. What a tool bag? He has his arm around the girl he is with, whispering into her ear. I have an idea and decide, this’ll be really funny.
I whisper into Eleanor’s ear. “Watch this. I’m gonna walk over to that chair where that couple is sitting and try to sit down. I’m gonna act like I’m plastered and miss the chair. So run over and act like you are making sure I’m okay.” Okay, she says back and smiles at me.
I walk over to the table. Even though I’m really drunk, I act like I can barely walk. “Josh!” I call out and wave before I’m halfway there. “Hey man, how’s it going?” I’m can’t contain my smile, but play it off by say, “Hey man, good to see you.” I arrive at their table. “How’s tonight been?” The girl and he stand up. We shake hands and he introduces me to the girl. I can barely hear him say what the girl’s name is. “Cum On Feel the Noize” by Quiet Riot is blaring. I introduce myself to the girl. I thought he said her name was Anna, or Anne. Don’t know. They both sit down. I face them, then feel for my seat and make sure it is far enough away so I’ll miss it. I go to sit down and miss my chair by a mile.
I realize I fell harder than was intended. The chair somehow is lying on top of me. I’m in some pain. My butt-bone and right elbow feel bruised really bad. I just lie there. I hear people shouting stuff. I’m moaning in pain. I see Eleanor and Josh, the chotch, standing over me, Eleanor is smiling. I feel her soft hand grab mine and ask if I’m okay. I regain my wits. I get up. Josh asks me if I’m okay. I start laughing in his face. Eleanor puts my arm around her to carry me away. She is laughing hysterically. “Later man!” I say to him. Eleanor carries me back to the group. She puts both of her hands on my face. “That was awesome. Everyone in the place is laughing and probably looking at you right now. That was so funny.” She kisses me and asks if I’m okay. I just nod my head. I’m in a little pain. Who cares, I’m wasted.
A big guy in black pants and a black shirt walks up. He’s got the bar logo on his shirt. “Sir, I’m sorry but you are gonna have to leave. Way too much to drink.”
“Wait, I was just foolin’ around. You didn’t think I meant to… No… I’m fine. I was just messing with that goober over there… Hold on…”
“I’m sorry Sir, but you have to go. The owner is here tonight and he said you need to leave.” I start to argue with him but realize it is gonna cause a commotion. I tell him that is gay and I should be able to play a drunk joke if I want to. He still insists I need to leave. Well there goes my night. Eleanor grabs my sleeve and tells me we should go to another bar anyway. Check out something different. Sounds good to me. She says that they are parked out back. We are parked out front, so I tell her to meet me around front. She kisses me and tells me she’ll see me in a minute.
Josh is signing out his tab at the bar. I’m actually really, really drunk and start stumbling toward the door. I bump into Josh, kind of push him with my shoulder as I walk by him. He looks at me, and while shaking his head, gives me the “not now” look. We walk by the bouncer, the one we know, Kevin. He tells us to take it easy boys and to be careful. I tell him I was just kidding and give him a five, but Josh grabs me and tells me to come on. We get into the stairwell, and I decide to tackle Josh on about the fifth step down. We start wrestling and fall down a couple of steps. I’m laughing and he cusses me for being a drunk ass.
I get up and take a step another step down, then get tackled by Josh. We are sort of wrestling and sliding down a few steps at the same time, laughing. Stephen yells at us, “Children! Children! We’re out in public. Cut this shit out. What the hell are yall doing. Seriously yall.” After about fifteen seconds we finally stop wrestling. I’m out of breath, kind of laughing a little. Geez, I’m out of shape. Josh and I laugh and put our arms around each other and walk down the rest of the steps. Stephen says to us, sort of jokingly, but kind of seriously, “Yall need to grow up. Seriously yall. Act your age.” I go in for the tackle around his legs, but am so tired I miss. I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath. I hear a car coming around the corner, so I jump up.
It’s a Toyota Highlander. The backseat window rolls down. It’s Eleanor. I walk up to the car. She asks, “What were you doing on the ground? Why are you out of breath?” I say jokingly, “Hey girl quit asking so many questions. Dang!” I tell her that I was wrestling with Josh in the stairwell, then tried to tackle Stephen and missed. She laughs and says that is too funny. She then asks, “Where are we going next…”
I jump into the car with the girls and tell my friends to meet us at the new bar, "The Python"
Stephen tells Sam he'll see her there.
"Later Dudes!" I yell to them, and we drive off.
Sunday, February 1, 2009
Super Bowl Pick
In deciding who to pick as the winner of the Super Bowl, I decided to look no further than the defenses. The Cardinals actually have a solid defense, as noted from their Fantasy Football numbers. Despite week 4's devastating loss, 56-35 to the New Jersey Jets, in which Kurt Warner threw for an amazing 472 yards (w/ 3 ints) in the loss, the Cardinals defense had a very great year defensively. I don't have to comment on the Cardinals stout offense and the numbers put up this year and in the playoffs. There is nothing to say, buy they are good.
However, I am picking the Pittsburgh Steelers to win by at least 2 TDs. The Steel Curtain defense is just plain nasty. I think there is no doubt this could very easily be the best defense of all-time, lead by the best number in football, #43, Troy Polamalu, and the best safety/roverback, or whatever you want to call him. Did I mention #43 is the best number to have in football. The thing that makes me say, "Hmm?" is Hines Ward being injured. He has been the linchpin for the offense, and they might struggle as he goes. But the Steelers running game is going to be what will, first and foremost, decide how the offense performs. My prediction is they will have a stellar game running the pigskin with at least two touchdowns, one for over 35 yards.
So my prediction for this game will be Steelers 34 - Cardinals 20.
However, I am picking the Pittsburgh Steelers to win by at least 2 TDs. The Steel Curtain defense is just plain nasty. I think there is no doubt this could very easily be the best defense of all-time, lead by the best number in football, #43, Troy Polamalu, and the best safety/roverback, or whatever you want to call him. Did I mention #43 is the best number to have in football. The thing that makes me say, "Hmm?" is Hines Ward being injured. He has been the linchpin for the offense, and they might struggle as he goes. But the Steelers running game is going to be what will, first and foremost, decide how the offense performs. My prediction is they will have a stellar game running the pigskin with at least two touchdowns, one for over 35 yards.
So my prediction for this game will be Steelers 34 - Cardinals 20.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
The Art of Writing
Writing is not something that should be taken for granted. I think writing is a ton of fun and a great way to express yourself. I began writing when I was young. It was only poetry, but I thoroughly enjoyed rhyming. Making something comprehensible and adding a rhyme to it reminds me of youth.
I ran into a girl that I went to high school with and I always thought she was cool. We never hung out because high school was a clique-y time for everyone. You found your niche and went with it. Looking back on it now, I wish I would've branched out more, hung out with more people. But that is what everyone thinks. Am I wrong? Anyway, I remembered that she was a writer and a very good one at that. She went to the fine arts school for writing when we were sophomores. She was always late to fourth period because of it.
So, I ran into her at a bar and we discussed writing. I told her how I enjoy to write too. I felt like I was talking to a real-deal writer. The main thing she said that stuck with me was, (Unabridged) "Don't write for anyone but yourself." I suppose I mentioned something that led her to believe I was writing for an audience. However, that was one of the most profound things anyone has ever stated about writing. I thought to myself, "Wow, I've been writing for other people all this time." So I decided right then and there I'd write for myself if I was gonna write. However, doesn't that defeat the purpose of a blog? It does, if that is your mentality. I will admit, I still write for other people, but mainly to make them laugh and to be cheerful. So yes, I write for myself, because if I can make one person laugh, it makes me laugh too.
SIDE NOTE: (My one plead to everyone out there, Please, by God, Please proofread! (Especially emails, comments, and replies) It is such an annoyance to read something that is fool, just kidding, full of grammatical errors. Misspelling a word or two, or leaving out a comma, understandable. But please take the time to proofread. Reading stuff with a lot of grammar errors sucks, sucks a lot!)
So, that brings my last thought about the "Art of Writing." Is there really an art? I suppose so. But, I think writing is something that is created by the individual. It is a way to express something, or yourself, but sometimes cannot be expressed in words. It can be as much fun as reading, but I think a lot more fun, because you are allowed to create, where as, when you read, you imagine what someone else created.
I ran into a girl that I went to high school with and I always thought she was cool. We never hung out because high school was a clique-y time for everyone. You found your niche and went with it. Looking back on it now, I wish I would've branched out more, hung out with more people. But that is what everyone thinks. Am I wrong? Anyway, I remembered that she was a writer and a very good one at that. She went to the fine arts school for writing when we were sophomores. She was always late to fourth period because of it.
So, I ran into her at a bar and we discussed writing. I told her how I enjoy to write too. I felt like I was talking to a real-deal writer. The main thing she said that stuck with me was, (Unabridged) "Don't write for anyone but yourself." I suppose I mentioned something that led her to believe I was writing for an audience. However, that was one of the most profound things anyone has ever stated about writing. I thought to myself, "Wow, I've been writing for other people all this time." So I decided right then and there I'd write for myself if I was gonna write. However, doesn't that defeat the purpose of a blog? It does, if that is your mentality. I will admit, I still write for other people, but mainly to make them laugh and to be cheerful. So yes, I write for myself, because if I can make one person laugh, it makes me laugh too.
SIDE NOTE: (My one plead to everyone out there, Please, by God, Please proofread! (Especially emails, comments, and replies) It is such an annoyance to read something that is fool, just kidding, full of grammatical errors. Misspelling a word or two, or leaving out a comma, understandable. But please take the time to proofread. Reading stuff with a lot of grammar errors sucks, sucks a lot!)
So, that brings my last thought about the "Art of Writing." Is there really an art? I suppose so. But, I think writing is something that is created by the individual. It is a way to express something, or yourself, but sometimes cannot be expressed in words. It can be as much fun as reading, but I think a lot more fun, because you are allowed to create, where as, when you read, you imagine what someone else created.
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